Well, it has been over a week since my last post, and for this I am sorry, but it turns out my life has become hectic. So many different projects on the go…so much to do, and not so much time! But, I do love being busy…
Then days like yesterday happen. I was fine in the morning, happy, and I went off to work. I then arrived at work, and all of a sudden everything started to become a drama in my head. I could hardly contain myself. I wanted to yell at people, I wanted people to feel my pain.
By the time I was on my way home from work, I found I could hardly keep the tears back. I was sitting in a cab, ready to explode with anger as I was leaving, and within minutes, I could have started sobbing. My husband met me after work, and told me his work colleagues had given him a gift for Valentines day…this just made me worse. I become so upset, I could hardly talk.
I couldn’t think straight, my husband was giving me advice (actually, very good advice!) but I could hardly take it in. I was too busy wallowing in my own self pity.
Yes, some bad things had happened at work, but I usually am much stronger than this…and I am able to just deal with these things, without having to have a complete breakdown.
What do I blame…well, I blame oncoming menopause. If someone had told me this yesterday, I would have started hunting around for something physical called menopause that I could yell at, then I would have wanted to sob over it!
Yes, there have been other times in my life where I have cried or become angry at things. I am not saying it never happened. But now…the intensity of these mood swings, and the ability for my mood to change so suddenly is…well…intense (and probably frightening for those around me!)
Today…I feel exhausted, it probably doesn’t help that I hardly slept last night and my eyes are all puffy today. I left work early today…just so I could come home and cuddle my bunny rabbit (she is lovely, but she doesn’t even want a cuddle right now, she is too busy sleeping!) I don’t have any energy left to have a mood swing today, and when I started having hot flushes at lunchtime, I thought it best to go home early for the day!
Ahh, if I could make menopause happen faster, I would, I spent today looking at younger girls in envy, wanting things to be a bit easier! I also would give anything to be a man today…it seems to be much easier (of course, I am sure there are men everywhere that will tell me different, but I am not seeing it!!)
So, going to have an early night tonight, and hope that there are no mood swings tomorrow…..
I just don’t have the energy for them right now!!
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