I am having a VERY hard week….I have had a bit of bad news, which never seems to leave my mind…this on top of already feeling stressed with work and normal life pressures (of which, there seem to be alot right now!).
I have also started a bit of a panic – not sure if this is just because I am already stressed, which is highly possible.
So, what am I panicking about? Well, it is my age. No, it hasn’t been my birthday, but my mortality seems to be at the fore of my mind this week. It was my husbands birthday, so maybe thats why I have been thinking about it! I have accomplished half the stuff I wanted to accomplish in my life – and now I am getting worried that maybe I am getting too old to get all the things done that I want to.
It is not helping that I am not sleeping well. I wake up in pools of sweat each morning (sometimes the middle of the night) – this I blame on oncoming menopause, but it is not helping that once I wake up I can’t go back to sleep. My mind is in overdrive….I end up getting up in the mornings anytime from 4am onwards, which is leaving me tired during the day I know, and not helping with my stress levels at all!
I am also not sure why, but now that I am older…People are always coming to me for advice, yet when I need it, there doesn’t seem to be anyone to listen (except for my poor husband of course!). Yes, I know, I am living in foreign country, so of course, I don’t have close friends nearby….what I wouldn’t give for a girlie chat today.
So why the panic on my age…well it is like this…I feel tired all day, I am surrounded by younger persons who have their whole lives ahead of them…and quite frankly, I am a bit jealous. I don’t want to get any older….I don’t want to feel so tired, I want the energy I had when I was younger…It just doesn’t seem fair!! Why do I have to get old? Why has no-one found a cure for this yet?
I have so much more to do with my life….
I JUST DON’T WANT TO GET OLD!!!
In my head I still feel like I am 20 years old….although, I have to say, with better knowledge of how the world works now (just as well, I did some really stupid things when I was young…Sorry Mum!) I would, however, give anything to be able to nightclub (one like we knew in the late 80’s…with real music!!) all night and still be functional the next day! Hehehe!!
I try all the time to remain positive, and to focus on the good in my life, but sometimes (as in this week!) I find it hard to do! I struggle in the mornings to try to be positive…which I have to be all the time at work, so I spend hours before work trying to motivate myself!
So, if anyone has a miracle cure for getting old…please get in touch ASAP!