It is another Monday…I don’t even feel like I have had a weekend! It was a bit of a rough weekend to be honest…stressful!
My guilt complex is such, that although I want to stop working in my job, and let me tell you – my husband definately wants me to – I feel guilty about wanting to leave it.
Why? Honestly, I don’t think it is anything to do with being menopausal (although that is one of the reasons I need to leave, as I am not really coping!) – but I do think the guilt is down to being a woman.
I just feel like I would be letting everyone down. What is that about? I am pretty sure men don’t get like this (if they do – please do let me know!) I have been putting my all into this job, I do really enjoy it – but it is causing me to not sleep (this morning I was away at 4am stressing about it), and right now – I just feel like bursting into tears.
Is it just the stress of the job, or is it a combination of getting older, being menopausal, living in a foreign country and top it off with a very stressful job?
I have spent my life thriving in stressful jobs, I have loved doing it. But, now, I am wondering if I should be taking more time for myself!
I am also wondering why I feel it is hard to say ‘no’ to people? Or is it because I am used to being a ‘breadwinner’ and think that maybe I lose a part of myself if I let my husband be the sole breadwinner?
What to do? How can I stop the guilt? Is it just because I am a bit flighty? Or is it because I actually think that some of what my husband is saying is true (he thinks I am allowing myself to be ‘used’ a little, and working to hard, for not really any reward!)?
It is going to be a long day